As a two-month old, I used to cry and poop my pants and wave my arms in a meaningless parabola of pathetic flailing. I knew who I was then, you know? Life was easy. No pressure.
Now that I'm three months old, life is just so much more complicated. I still poop my pants of course, but now that I'm out of that screaming, red, wrinkled newborn phase, that fact is that I'm getting more adorable every day. I'm pink and round and smiley. And truthfully, I'm beginning to think that my exceptional beauty is a terrible burden. It's certainly hard on my parents.
Those poor people are constantly stopped in the grocery store or on the street so that strangers can fawn over my soul-searing cuteness. It must be so hard on them, warding off the throngs of adoring fans everywhere we go. My poor raggedy minions don't have any fans. In fact, people tend to say things to them like "Well, you don't look too bad for not getting any sleep." What kind of compliment is that, Bupkis? They set the bar very low for themselves, man. I feel kind of bad for them.
Bupkis, I should send those people a fruit basket or something as a thank-you. I mean, they do seem like nice people. The boob lady pretty much caters to my every whim around here, and the diaper man really has my back in the hygiene department. A good diaper man is a baby's best friend, if you know what I mean: always careful of the junk, keeps the wipes a comfortable room temperature, gets the poop out of all my unmentionable crevices. Help like that doesn't come cheap, I'll tell you. I'm going to owe that guy a lot of homemade macaroni necklaces or something someday.
Oh, I'm sorry, Bupkis, where are my manners? Do you want a beverage or something?
Hey Boob Lady, can I get a beer or something for my friend, Bupkis? He's looking a little parched.
13 comments:
I love that even after birth, the Dude is still alert to the status of beverages. And I agree, his adorableness is a heavy burden to bear. If Kiran is any guide, though, in a month or so he'll start scratching himself up mercilessly with his razor-sharp fingernails, just to avoid so much attention. And to make strangers wonder why you pulled your baby backwards through a bramble bush.
Wiley, good job keeping your parents on their toes. You sure are a cutie pie!
he's adorable! can chloe be his girlfriend?
Aw man, this little guy has grown :) What a freaking cutie. Good thing he appreciates the nappy dude and the boob lady.
long time reader, first time commenter.
Well he is still 1000% cute! I love that picture of him laughing and the last one. Like "hello Bupkis really needs a drink, oh, and I could use one too boob lady"
you are tooo cute! and i love that your mom is using Bupkis as a growth measuring devise- it shows how big you're getting!
and as much as your looks have gotten you this far with nappy dude and boob lady- remember to be nice to them : )
Such adorable photos! I'm glad that your little guy is coping so well with the paparazzi at all the attention his good looks attract.
LMAO! He's so stinking cute... great pictures!
It should be illegal to be that cute. Have 3 months gone by already?!?
Just to add to the general hilarity of your post, Mr. Laustique mistook Bupkis for a "polar bear with horns." My sides. They split.
Wait a minute! You mean your little guy has a fan club too? I thought the nuggets were the only ones with an adoring fan base! :) Although I can see that your little guy is alarmingly cute!
Seriously though...it's 2a I'm waiting for girl nugget to call on me for her feeding and I'm dog tired. Yet you still made me laugh my butt off. How do you do it? :) Keep it coming.
YOUR fan, Sushinut.
Precious!!
I agree. 1000% cute!!!!!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha boob lady you're my hero!
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