The Lopsided Lactator

Oh, sorry about that, internet! I didn't mean to leave off the last post with a cliff-hanger.

( Will Newt continue breastfeeding? Will she start eating ice cream again, as she so richly deserves to do? Will the Newtling develop x-ray vision as a result of his mother's awesome boobs? To find out, stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of The Lactation Notations!)

I really and honestly just ran out of time in the middle of the story. So anyway, here's what we have done: Since the baby has been about 11 weeks old, I breastfeed sometimes and give formula sometimes. Seems kind of common-sensey and anticlimactic after all that build-up, but honestly it came as a revelation to me. I somehow had it in my head that I could breastfeed or I could formula feed, but it never occurred to me that I could do both. I can do both! It's pretty great, you guys.

For one thing, I can put the newtlet in part-time daycare without pumping. At daycare, he gets formula and I prefer that, actually. There's something problematic, to me, about bringing bags or bottles of bodily fluids to a public place and leaving them there for my child. I know, I'm weird about this, but I read somewhere that a daycare was sued for giving a baby the wrong mother's breastmilk in his bottle, because several children's stashes were in the same fridge. I mean, it must happen more than we hear about, right? I don't mean to be alarmist, and formula has its own risks (melamine, anyone?), but I want my baby's food at daycare to come out of a nice clean factory.

Another benefit of the breast-formula system (the breformula system? the forbreastula system? Ok, that sounds like a disease) is that I can have the occasional evening of going out, or even have a second or third glass of wine, and the baby just gets a bottle for that evening. I never knew it could be this easy, you guys! I have taken the newtlet to several grown-up parties now, with a bottle in the diaper bag, something I never would have dared to do in my exclusive-breastfeeding days. I feel so much more mobile and free and more myself now. I'm pretty sure the newtlet likes it too, getting out and meeting people, spitting up in new places, that sort of thing. It's never too early to help your baby make new friends and puke on them.

The downside of this giddy freedom is that my supply is slowly dropping, while the newtlet is rapidly growing. I'm pretty happy with where thing stand at 4 months: I can still nurse him in the late afternoon, before bed, overnight, and once in the morning. But increasingly, we are supplementing with a bottle if he still seems hungry after nursing. We aren't there yet, but we are heading in a direction where the nursing will seem like an appetizer. I expect to lose my supply in another month or so.

If I pumped more or took fenugreek or domperidone, I'm sure I could stave it off, but honestly I can live with the loss. We've gotten through the critical first three months, and my baby is happy and healthy and thriving. (See? Here he is at four months, thinking deep thoughts about what he's going to do with his x-ray vision once it kicks in. Use it for the betterment of humanity? Or rob banks? It's a close call, and his dad and I have promised to support him either way.)



The newtlet also seems to prefer the bottles now, and honestly so do I. He is able to make better eye contact with me while he eats, because he is positioned on his back looking up, instead of trying to look at me while angled toward my rib cage. I love how he reaches out and tries to hold the bottle. I love how I can see how much he has eaten. I love how I can offer him more until I'm sure his belly is full. I love how other people can feed him, and get that delight that comes from holding a contented baby as he eats.

I feel like we are enjoying the best of both worlds in this brief and glorious window, in all ways except aesthetically. Because (and let me say up-front that this is entirely preventable and all my fault, internet), my boobs are now very lopsided.

Honestly, lefty was always the star of the team, but I made a point of putting righty in the lineup consistently and she did her best, she really did. But with our new diminished schedule and supply concerns, I think I was going to our go-to player a little too much. I must have let old righty ride the pine for too long, because two days ago I latched the newtlet on to the right side, and was surprised to learn that it hurt like a motherfucker. Holy shit. Also? Not much to show for it.

So, righty is now retired. Yes internet, I am lactating only on one side of my body, a fact that is plainly visible in the two or so cup-size difference between my formerly symmetrical (and perky!) breasts. I wonder, if I go to a bra shop, would they sell me just one of those silicone bra inserts? I assume they make you buy the pair, like with shoes.

Maybe some entrepreneur needs to come along and make special bras with inflatable inserts for the lopsided lactator. Feel free to steal that idea, internet. I won't ask for royalties, just a prototype.