So anyway, to recap the Boob Lady updates, 1. breastfeeding has been painless and mostly great, but 2. the baby's tiniest discomfort sends me into an orgy of boob-related guilt. Also, breastfeeding is really interfering with my drinking, y'all.
To continue the conversation, here are some things I like about breastfeeding, besides the no-pain thing:
- It's sort of sweet. I like it when the baby rests a little hand on my chest. As he gets more dexterity, he is increasingly twiddling his little fingers like he's playing the piano on my breast. Or, I suppose more accurately, the accordion.
- Very little prep time. As Susan wrote in the comments of my earlier post, it is nice not to have to fiddle with bottles and measuring scoops and whatnot in the middle of the night. I just pull up my top and go right to work. I haven't however, mastered the skill of staying half-asleep through the whole feeding. I am paranoid about handling the baby when I'm sleepy, so I wake up all the way. When the newtling was smaller, I used to get up and watch a whole TiVoed episode of The West Wing during each feeding. Now that my boy is in day care during the day, I'm all sappy and I usually leave the TV off and spend our nighttime feedings gazing adoringly at the little tyke. Still, not half-asleep in either scenario.
- It's healthier for the baby. If breastfeeding advocates are to be believed, my breast milk is some kind of superfood, which will give my darling newtlet superpowers. I'm expecting the x-ray vision to kick in any minute.
- It is an excellent last resort against fussiness. Even when the baby isn't scheduled for a meal, I can often get him to calm down by putting him on the breast. In our house, we call this "the nuclear option." I stole that from somewhere, but I don't know where.
Here are some things I dislike about nursing, besides the everything's-my-fault thing:
- I do not pump. I have a little manual pump, but hardly ever use it. I am glad to feed my baby directly, but pumping makes me feel like a cow. I do not like feeling like a cow.
- I will not breastfeed in public. This means the baby and I have been kind of trapped at home for much of his life. I have one of those cover things that you can drape over yourself, but have never used it. I don't live in a community where you ever see women nursing children in public, and I'm not prepared to be a trendsetter when it comes to the possibility of intimate public exposure.
- I don't know what to do about house guests. My mom and two sisters have sat on the couch next to me through nursing and if they have found it odd, they have been very cool about it. With my in-laws, I retreated to a back room. With my dad, I kind of positioned a chair so it was turned away from most of the room, and tried to make that work. It's really awkward any way you cut it. Afternoon guests are one thing, but if you have someone staying for a week or so, then a new plan has to be made for each relative and their probable comfort level with the whole breastfeeding thing. Sometimes this involves me sitting around with my shirt down trying to carry on conversations while a baby sucks on my breast (awkward!) or me excusing myself up to six times a day to sit in a back room with a non-verbal companion (boring!). I deeply yearn for the simplicity of just using a bottle.
- Being a non-pumper, I am always on the clock. The baby eats about every three hours. If I want to go to the grocery store, I always have had to look at the clock and decide if I can get home in time for the next feeding. I love that baby, I do. My little baby is cuter than Zac Efron in a room full of puppies, but that three-hour leash he has me on is enough to make anybody a little cranky.
Hey, Mom? Who's Zac Efron?
- Formula-fed babies sleep longer. File this under "No good deed goes unpunished."
So what's a girl to do? I'll tell you what we have done later this week when I get a little more writing time, but in the meantime, internet, what is your experience? I am finding breastfeeding to be a privilege and a burden at the same time. Anybody else?
20 comments:
Thank you for your sweet comments to me and Katie.
Love the pictures of Little Newtlet. He sure is a cutie pie.
Yep. A friend gave me a huge can of formula when her baby went off it and I pretended to just not want to waste it. I was ready to be done, even if I wasn't ready to admit it. (This was after the night feedings had ended)
I am so impressed that you are still breastfeeding under the circumstances. I am a very public breastfeeder (no cover-ups at all and we breastfeed everywhere - planes, trains, the subway, my office, the park ...), I try to wait and feed the baby until I have someone to talk to pass the time, and I also pump a lot so I can leave my fusspot (Honestly, part of my brazenness is that I have always been extremely curvy and have had -so much- unwanted attention over the years that I kind of feel like this is -my- opportunity to get some use out of my curves and that everyone would be staring anyway). But if you prefer not to feed in public or pump, then I can absolutely sympathize with your frustration (and boredom) with the process. I know several women who have cut down to a morning and an evening feeding. It might give you more freedom but also allow you to keep some nursing time together. Good luck deciding.
I think I about share your perspective with the breastfeeding (of course, in my case theoretical) - I just have a strict no-breasts-in-public rule. But I don't see why ambivalence about the whole nursing process isn't acceptable, either way. Sounds like it has benefits and drawbacks.
He is a beautiful baby!
Newt- I am with you 100%. In fact, my DS gets more formula now than breastmilk (I pump as much as I can but I don't produce that much). I'm back at work and I only nurse at once or twice after work and once in the morning. He gets formula at daycare and in the middle of the night. What I pump during the day will usually produce one bottle at night. I love the bonding time with him, but I too was trapped at home and it drove me nuts. For my mental health, he gets formula if I need to get out of the house. I know there is a lot of pressure to nurse, but I am much happier with this part-time stuff and it's working for us.
The only thing I have to disagree with is the sleeping thing. DS does not sleep longer even when he's had formula at night. Until last night, he was up every three hours. He went four hours last night, so I'm hoping that keeps up. Whatever you decide- best of luck!!
I have 2 kids- one breastfed until she weaned me at 9 months, utterly sick of dealing with my pathetic milk supply (PCOS). The other kid never got a whiff of breastmilk due to my adventures in postpartum renal failure. You have nailed the advantages and disadvantages perfectly.
You seem like a strong woman who will work out the solution that best suits you and your family, guilt free.
I felt the exact same way, and expect to feel that way again come September. Except I'm of the "if you don't like it, don't look" school of thought when it comes to public nursing. I'll be damned if I'm going to be housebound due to a frequently nursing baby. And the friend that came over and held a pillow in front of her face while I was nursing? NOT COOL.
But yes, it's six of one, a half dozen of the other. I'm way too lazy to deal with bottles and such, but it did pain me greatly to realize that all of the "great sleepers" that my friends seemed to be blessed with were formula fed. So unfair.
In any case, I'm glad you're enjoying nursing (for the most part!) and that you haven't had a hard time with it!
Do what you gotta do to get the kid fed and take care of your needs, too. And have a beer each day. The darker the better - helps with milk production. Make sure you nurse & enjoy your beer while you have company. :)
I'm with you on a lot of it. With the exception that I'm at work a 40-minute train ride from the little one, so I have to pump for him to get breastmilk. Finding time to pump three times a day at work is exhausting, and on top of that I don't make enough during work which means trying to pump before or after feedings morning and night as well. It suuucks, but every time I think about formula I think, "Maybe next week." Finding time to pump is annoying and it is not as sweet and natural as breastfeeding, but it does get more automatic after a time, and maybe that would be a nice middle ground for you, especially if you can find someone with a nice electric pump you can borrow. I think you have to have some method for having a afternoon of shopping or some kind
The only think I dislike about BF is going dairy, citrus, chocolate, wine, peanut, soy, and egg free. And while it sounds like torture, I have gotten used to it. As unhealthy as they are for me, I love carbs..and I can still eat those. I like everything else about "tit." Sorry for the pun. Ugh. I nurse in public with a bib and sometimes just in my sling. I nurse in front of my dad and am very glad he does not mind. I even nursed in front of my father in law the other day! he's a cattleman, so he knows the deal. I have lost all modesty. I don't think I've made anyone uncomfortable, but then, they probably wouldn't tell me. So now, now that it doesn't feel like an ice pick is going into my back every time she latches on; now that my nipples don't look like hamburger meat, I love it. Seriously. I was happy when our GI doc told us to hold off on solids for as long as possible.
You might be able to replace a couple of feedings with formula but still keep breastfeeding in the evenings/nights and mornings. I did that with both of my babies and thought it was a good compromise.
i'm in a similar boat. i got over doing it in public though, especially in front of others in MY house. i just started giving a bottle of formula a day at daycare so i didn't have to stress about pumping enough for 3 bottles. but if it makes you feel better, my breastfed 5 month old has been sleeping 8+ hours since 4 weeks. i think it's the kid, not the food. i'd suggest getting over giving some formula when you want to go out (the freedom!) or get a little hand pump...again, you get over the cow thing. time flies, i never thought i'd do this at all (i was totally pro formula) but now it's probably more than half over. make it a happy, middle ground, not a stressful all or nothing. easier said than done.
Honestly, I am so jealous of your perfectly functioning boobies. Mine are milk-duds and have never produced enough to sustain my 3 month old daughter so we do both boobs and bottles. I have the best and the worst of both worlds. I hope you stick w it even though I am positively green w envy every time you write about your awesome boobs.
I'm so glad you posted about this. Shows how everyone's grass is greener. I would love to breast feed like you. Unfortunately I've found that with twins I'd be trapped at home 24/7. I too never was able to pump or feed in front of anyone except my husband. And even then I feel like a cow. So it's a lot of time alone. I also agree with formula babies not sleeping much longer (thus the reason its 2a and I'm up commenting on this post). My husband was the first to point out how demanding breast feeding was for one or two babies. Something you really don't think of (or choose to think of)this before you have them and decide on breast feeding exclusively. That said I hate seeing my little tots with that icky formula glaze over their tongue and wish that I could breast feed them more. But then I have a mojito and all seems better. Coincidence? I think not. I'm curious as to what you have decided to do.
Oh, yes. Both. I loved the convenience of no bottles, no mixing formula, etc. But I was working part time and had to pump. I hated it.
BF around my family didn't bother me. They didn't make a big deal and neither did I. I tried to be somewhat discreet when latching him on, but after that, I just did what I needed to do. Those that were a little uncomfortable just didn't look while we were adjusting.
And I didn't really have a problem with feeding in public, although I didn't go out of my way to do it if I didn't have to.
I could have written that post myself. My baby is almost 7 weeks and although I love the closeness of nursing I feel like a prisoner in my own home. i have been debating switching to formula for daytime and just nursing at night but I am wracked with guilt. It seems like since nursing is working for me it would be a slap in the face of those who struggled and couldn't. It also seems like it would be not the motherly thing to do. As if by formula feeding him I will be setting him up for a lifetime of illness, allergy, obesity, and stupidity. Yes, I was formula fed too. I can't wait to hear what you have come up with.
Houseguests can be tricky!! also getting in and back home in that 2.5 hour window- I sometimes pump but never feed in public. Overall, it can be difficult! I'l'l do it till I'm sick of it or it feels weird/he's too big. No more than 1 year.
Yes, totally. I held out, but then again, pumping didn't drive me nuts. I only pumped for work, and then I had a hospital grade, so it went fast.
The other big thing that happened is that just when I thought I couldn't handle it, she slept through the night, started eating solids, and voila, no more up in the middle of the night, dropped some feedings, and it become doable.
The women who go longer than six months before they start solids, god bless them, five and a half was all I could do.
Oh, re family. Breastfeeding is normal in my family, so I didn't care so much.
The in-laws, MIL was fine and was impressed that we (SIL & I) did it, FIL was mortified and left the room. BIL, never was around enough to care.
I completely agree. Though I'm glad I can nurse successfully, I'm still on a 2 hour leash and sometimes a bottle just sounds heavenly, especially when my nipples are sore!
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