Exhibit A:
Do you see that crazy glint in his eyes? That is his lust for human flesh.Inspired by those immortal classics All the Babies Go to the Mine (Lowered in Buckets) and Oh I Wish I Were a Little 'Lectric Eel, I have composed a new song about the newtlet and his undead habits of personal consumption. Think of it as a lullaby of sorts.
(It's sung to a kind of marching beat. Not knowing anything about music, that's the best I can explain it.)
Zombie baby's coming for me; he wants to eat my flesh. Grrrrrr!
Zombie baby's coming for me; he wants to eat my flesh. Arghh!
He wants to bite my fingers and he wants to bite my toes. Grrrrr!
He wants to bite my shoulder and leave drool stains on my clothes. Arghh!
Zombie baby's coming for me; he wants to eat my flesh. Grrrrrr!
Zombie baby's coming for me; he wants to eat my flesh. Arghh!
He does not want sweet potatoes, squash, or brussels sprouts. Grrrrr!
He just wants to gnaw my bones and spit the gristle out. Arghh!
Zombie baby's coming for me; he wants to eat my flesh. Grrrrrr!
Zombie baby's coming for me; he wants to eat my flesh. Arghh!
It is futile to present him with a teething toy. Grrrrr!
He will only be contented with the real McCoy. Arghh!
Zombie baby's coming for me; he wants to eat my flesh. Grrrrrr!
Zombie baby's coming for me; he wants to eat my flesh. Arghh!
Right now he's not dangerous; this habit's just uncouth. Grrrrr!
But I'm scared of what will happen when he gets a tooth. Aaaaaaaaaaaaarghh!
It's best if this last "Arghh" is sung in a very theatrical, descending scream. Babies, as you know, love that sort of thing.
10 comments:
Has he left bruises yet? I've gotten some (highly visible) hickies from my little zombie. And once those teeth actually come in, it only gets worse.
I started reading this post out loud and my husband asked if I had written it. We completely sympathize with having a zombie baby in the house. Our little flesh-gnawer even has sound effects. He sounds just like the baby from Dawn of the Dead when he lunges for us. He seems to have a fondness for faces and knees. In a pinch he'll take chewing on his brother, though.
I got a hickie on my chin once from my little man. The whole thing is pretty funny, but the soaked t-shirt can be terrible when in public!
Robbie goes for my nose. I realize it's large and easy to grab, but sheesh.. he has two teeth on the bottom and I can't tell you how much they hurt on that tender under side of the nose.
My sister used to bite my stepmom on the chin. For reasons best known to her, my stepmom let her continue after she had teeth.
Ouch! Would a frozen washcloth satisfy him? He's such a cutie!
Ahh...my son is just like this. One morning, I had him at my feet and he put my big toe in his mouth. I readily give him my fingers, but the toes were too much, I had to protest.
Ooooh, scary!
(God, he really is adorable. Of course, my fingers are all the way over here, so ... )
***standing up and applauding***
And LOL at The Blatchford Family wife getting a hickie!
You're too funny dear. M's favorite teether was always my fingers. Now I can't get near her teeth to make sure they're brushed.
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